I Tried to Disguise – Ignatian Spirituality



child hiding under pillows - image by ambermb from Pixabay

Psalm 139 at all times makes me just a little nervous. The psalmist begins: “O LORD, you have got searched me and identified me. / after I sit down and after I stand up.” (Psalm 139:1–2) As I kind this line, I’m lazily sitting slumped in a chair subsequent to my standing desk, out of the blue fairly conscious of God’s probing eyes. Then the psalmist continues: “Even earlier than a phrase is on my tongue, O LORD, you understand it utterly.” (4) For 16 lovely and difficult traces, the psalmist unpacks how effectively God is aware of the whole lot about me with out me saying a single phrase.

God is aware of the whole lot. Every thing we expect. Every thing we wish to say however don’t. Every thing we are saying in secret and later remorse. Every thing.

It ought to be comforting. God already is aware of the whole lot. However nonetheless, I battle to be actually susceptible with God.

This fall I began programs in the direction of acquiring my graduate certificates in spiritual direction. I don’t know what I assumed the programs could be like, however they’re extremely introspective up to now. It seems that to direct others effectively of their religious lives, I first should know myself and my very own relationship with God rather well.

So what am I afraid of exhibiting God?

I additionally should be prepared to let God take the complete journey alongside me. That is the toughest half up to now. I don’t know why. If I take Psalm 139 critically, the psalmist drills into me that God is aware of each little bit of my life already. So what am I afraid of exhibiting God? It ought to be no massive deal!

Perhaps it’ll turn out to be simpler if I give it time. If I maintain coming again many times to God with my arms extensive open, maybe I’ll belief the connection much more. In spite of everything, that’s what I hope for these I direct sooner or later, that they might come to belief that God’s love is aware of no bounds.

For one in all my programs, I’ve to jot down one thing artistic each week based mostly on the themes of a e book we’re studying. I’ve discovered myself writing poetry most weeks, and the next is a poem I wrote after studying the sentence, “Nobody can run or disguise from God.” It’s about Psalm 139, my fears about laying the whole lot in entrance of God, and the futility of operating from Someone who will never stop searching for and finding me.

I attempted to cover
from you in the present day.

I drove
to the busiest retailer
on the busiest hour
simply to lose myself
within the largest of crowds.

However nonetheless,
you discovered me.

I attempted to cover
from you in the present day.

I labored
on the urgent challenges
of my ever-growing lists
simply to lose myself
in my most necessary work.

However nonetheless,
you discovered me.

I attempted to cover
from you in the present day.

I targeted
on the largest piles
within the messiest rooms
simply to lose myself
within the smallest of wins.

However nonetheless,
you discovered me.

I didn’t need you to.

Not in the present day, Lord.
Not in the present day.

As a result of…
I’d reasonably grief
be tomorrow’s downside.

As a result of…
I’d reasonably hope
be tomorrow’s answer.

I didn’t need you to.
Not in the present day, Lord.

However you,
You didn’t
pay me
any thoughts.

As a result of…

I’m nothing

As a result of…

I’ve nothing

As a result of…

I may be nothing

In case your hand
is just not resting
in mine.

Picture by ambermb from Pixabay.

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